August 26, 2012

The Perfect Mom

The other day I was talking with a woman and she was asking how Gwynn was doing. I responded that she was a good baby and things were good. Her response shocked me. She said, "Well, she would be a good baby because you are like the perfect mom! You just have it all together." I was so shocked because that it SO FAR from the truth. In fact, just two days earlier I was crying to Jeremy about how inadequate I was feeling about being able to provide the proper nutrition to Gwynn and about how I felt that I couldn't make her happy at times. I even reached out to my Facebook friends for advice. That was a rough day (maybe a growth spurt). She was not eating well, not sleeping well, and crying a whole lot. When those days come, no matter how many times I've been through it, I always look at myself and automatically think that it's my fault and I am not good enough. Jeremy is always there to snap me out of it and reassure me that the other two went through the same thing and I am a good mom. Sure enough the next day Gwynn was back to her normal self. My point in all of this is to share that I am not the perfect mother. I mess up just like anyone else does. I have insecurities just like every other mother out there. I am just trying to make the best decisions and choices each day for the sake of my family. But there are plenty of times that I make the wrong one, but I just have to move on and learn for the next time. 
One of the best pieces of advice I got when we had Hayden was, "just remember that everything is a phase. Nothing will last forever. It's only temporary." I didn't actually accept that and receive comfort from it until Gwynn came a long. Not sleeping at night-phase, Fussy time (which Gwynn doesn't have!!!)-phase, Falling asleep while nursing-phase, taking 3 hours to get to sleep at night-phase, crying in the carseat-phase...... If you look at everything as if it's a phase that has a end point it's much easier to get through and stay sane! 
I try to plan out my every move for each day and it never works out that way "I" had planned, because it's not up to me! I make it through each day by the grace of God. He's the one keeping me sane :) I have been journaling for a LifeGroup that I am doing for a book called No A Fan. In one of my entries I was really struggling with the fact that Gwynn was fussing and didn't seem to be eating well and wasn't sleeping well (the same day I referred to above). Basically, she wasn't following the schedule that the book I had read said she would follow. I couldn't understand why, after all....the book said she would and from what I could remember, using my very awful memory, Hayden and Layne followed the schedule to a T by this point (not true at all!). Then God revealed something very interested and enlightening. We are adults and do we follow God's plan that He has for us to a T? Do we follow the book the way we should? He would love for us to, but we are human and we all struggle with doing exactly what He wants us to. Sometime we want to do what we want to do. Why would I expect a 6 week old baby to be able to follow some words in a book if we as adults can't even do it?!   

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